Popples: Pillow Pets of the Past

For those of you who don't know or care, Popples were a stuffed animal Mattel produced and sold in the 80's.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of Troll Dolls, it was the age of Ninja Turtles, it was the epoch of neon mini skirts, it was the epoch of shoulder pads. Then, out of the magical brain that created the original prototypes for Care Bears and Strawberry Short cake came...

Popples were basically mutated Care Bears that folded up into balls.

 You can see how the horribly malformed Popple still bears trademarks of it's much less ridiculous predecessor. The heart stamped hands and feet, the little tongue, the puffy cheeks. Why, it's practically a care bear if you don't notice the pronounced hunch, unnatural ears, disgusting color scheme, and purposeless tail.

POPPLE: THE UNKNOWN SPECIES

To this very day, the exact genus of the illustrious Popple is unknown. Because of the Popple's infamous pouch, it is widely believed the Popple is a marsupial. Some have noted the similarities between Popples and baby porcupines.*

*we here at natalieandtaliaspeak.blogspot.com do NOT recommend attempting to fold a  porcupine.

POPPLE: THE IMAGE
On the surface, Popples appeared to be just your ordinary unidentifiable creature. But under their layers of excess back skin lurked an exciting secret.

You could turn them inside out! That's right! And if your mom got mad that you were playing with your Popple after hours, you could just grab its limbs and head and jam them into its crotch! Voila! A ball without a face. Silly ol' mom will never know this thing is really a marsupial porcupine rabbit and my new best friend.

POPPLE: THE LEGEND
As if the plush toy alone wasn't enough, it didn't stop there. A whole cast of colorful characters made up the original Popple crew. This way, even if you had one Popple, it still made sense for you to want/need more Popples. There was: PC (as in Pretty Cool), Party, Pancake, Prize, Puffball, Puzzle, Pretty Bit, Potato Chip, and Putter. While they varied in size and color, they didn't vary in awesomeness.

Though every child wanted a Popple, not every child was ready for the responsibility. As made example of here in the classic Popple cartoon series, a little girl named Bonnie gets more than she bargained for in:

POPPLES PANIC AT THE LIBRARY!

It only takes watching about a minute of this video to realize that Popples make terrible pets. What else are they keeping in those seemingly bottomless pouches? Why do they even have legs if they just bounce everywhere? And what library carries school math books? The plot holes are gaping and many. Although I did like the epic camera angle when Bonnie thought she was resigned to failing "nothing important, just the world's BIGGEST MATH TEST!" Not that the her numerous Popples are going to help her anyway. They thought a tennis racket was a math book. 

POPPLES: BUY YOURS TODAY!

Popples actually still have a website, popplespopp.com! Now that you're pumped to get your new Popple, you can't have one.  The whole website is a lie that directs you to some other website that doesn't even sell toys.

POPPLES: THE DOWNFALL:

Unfortunately for the Popple, the good people at Mattel overestimated the intelligence and motor skills of the average child. I could NEVER get my Popple to fold back into a ball. It's like when you go to Qdoba or Chipotle and they wrap your burrito, you eat half of it, and somehow can't get the wrapper cover the entire burrito again. You KNOW it's supposed to work, but you don't know how. A quick scan of the internet revealed I was not the only frail idiot aged 10 and under in the 80s.

 They really were JimVarneysGhost, they really were.