"Pummel. Pummel."

Coming from a family of mostly women, my sisters and I could have turned out several different ways. But thanks to our super-nerd father, we all have a little boy living deep inside our hearts. At the dawn of the video game revolution, Dad was right in there-- bringing home an Atari and teaching his children to jump through falling blades and slaughter the evil Jaffar in Prince of Persia. (Remember accidentally not making it through the falling blades? How you suddenly turned into a bloody half ham? That's totally appropriate for a 6 year old. Thanks Dad!) Because of our father's love of video games, our childhood was enveloped in Zelda, World Runner, Street Fighter, and of course, Mega Man.

This was more than just a video game, it was a way of life. Wake up in the morning, watch cartoons (Bond. James Bond. James Bond Jr.) play Mega Man. Come home from school, play Mega Man. Go to bed? No! Play Mega Man! Why was the game so life consuming?



Because it was a hero's journey that's why! And because you couldn't save. The goal was to travel from dot to dot, fighting the many villains attempting to foil your quest to conquer the despicable professor who continued to unleash twisted mechanical beasts on the masses (yes yes, it's similar to the whole Sonic premise, but if Sonic and Mega Man ever battled, I bet we'd end up taking Sonic's crumpled curb stomped body back to the forest for his woodland friends to eat since they'd be in for a long winter). Because you couldn't save, the game was always five times as intense. You have to beat everything in one go, or hang your head in shame and hand the controller to your sister. This was the first game I remember playing where you could see your enemy's health bar as you battling them. Which was pretty awesome, except for when you were super close to victory only to be struck down within the last few bars.



I don't really remember this dragon being drunk, but I do remember being pumped to beat its ass, because it meant I passed the first level and I was headed to dot 2! After you schooled the dragon in your McDonalds chic mega suit, you got to move on to even more worthy opponents such as:

Or

and my personal favorite:

They may look cute, but when Bubbleman is summoning the powers of the sea to blast you into mega oblivion, he looks less like he's got a baby arm growing out of his head and more like a mega warrior. God, I could just go on forever, but in the interest of time, I'll just go over some mega highlights.

The sounds of Mega Man
Mega Man music was amazing. As were Mega Man sound effects. In Heatman's castle (lair? kingdom?) you get these sweet lava boots that made this "pummel, pummel" sound as you walked.

 So not only did you look amazing in your fiery heat kingdom outfit, (yes your outfit changed to match your environment) but you sounded amazing in it too. That combined with energy driven electronica jams made you feel so ferocious inside you just couldn't wait to get up in Woodman's face and talk smack about his whore for a mamma.

The styles of Mega Man
Apparently Capcom almost named Mega Man "Rainbow Man." I bet they're really glad they didn't go with that in hindsight. But the reason for it was Mega Man's impeccable sense of style.

If that looks like Mega Man about to destroy a giant robot tank and his floating helmeted minion in a pink mega suit, that's because it IS.

The end of the Journey

You may have noticed the there is a final spooky skull at the end of Mega Man's path. This is the final boss, the big enchilada, who strikes fear in the heart of the noble yet tough Mega Man.


Ugh! Doesn't he just look like an evil raisin? Also a little like the Colonel (mmm...mashed potato bowl...). Well here's a riddle for you:

When does the mega professor stop looking mega evil and start looking mega lame?

When you mega whoop his mega old ass!

Mega Man. Stylish, sensitive, and surly. If only he was real.